May 13, 2003
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Since coming back from Hawaii I've found it almost impossible to shake a deep sense of tiredness that goes well beyond simple jetlag; a tiredness that to be honest I took out there with me hoping to get rid of in the first place...
I'll admit to feeling a certain pressure to at least write something about the trip and as the days have passed and I've failed to do anything constructive, the pressure has grown so I'm just going to get this over with and move on to other things.
What can I say about the trip? That international travel with small children in tow is exhausting. That a 5 day holiday including flights from Japan to Hawaii is far from relaxing. That Waikiki is so full of Japanese and caters so much to them as to make it seem as though I hardly left Japan in the first place. That the cost of living there is ridiculously expensive. That it proved impossible for me to find a simple bar outside of the hotel and for my in laws to go more than two days without wanting to go to a Japanese restaurant. That, regardless of the fact that there may have been a convention going on at the time, I am not, have never been and never intend to be an orthodontist, so please don't ask me again. That I will never get used to paying $20 for a fucking sandwich, even if it comes with a mountain of potato chips on the side and neither will I ever get used to having to tip 15% of the price of everything that is brought to me. That the highlight of the trip was the book that the ineffably concupiscent DiDi lent me for the journey (Because They Wanted To by Mary Gaitskill) and that the closest I came to any kind of sexual shenanigans was having a wank on the balcony one evening when everyone else had gone to bed.
I am sure that the islands have plenty to offer but I didn't find any of it in Waikiki and, with apologies to those of you that live there, I'll close by saying that once was enough.
I can't tell you how good it feels to get all that off my chest.
Especially the balcony bit...
Comments (28)
so you got that off your chest? did your cup size decrease?
do please tell us about the wankony.
Wait.....the balcony bit got on your chest? That must've been a hell of a wank. Glad you're all cleaned up now though.
Hope you get that tired thing figured out soon. Sometimes your soul makes your body think things that have nothing to do with the physical...if you take my meaning.
i recently went to hawaii for the first time--maui for a few days and waikiki for one. yow, what a difference. maui was so relaxing, not full of tourists, shopping centers, etc. waikiki was a nightmare! i can see where you wouldn't be able to relax.
and nice going with the wanking.
But I didn't want to hear that, I want to hear you got RID of the tiredness because I'm carrying a buttload of it around myself and its either get rid of it or drop.
Hopefully flying Dylan down to the grandparents and taking a leisurely ride to wyoming without a kid will make a BIG difference, I hope to Elvis so, or I'm sunk.
You thought of me on the balcony huh, yeahh I thought so.
Did it get in your eye?
(hehe)
Tipping... one of the things I love about Japan is no tipping. It's become expected, you don't even have to do a good job and you still get tipped. Bullshit.
Sorry your vacation took more out of you. Im tempted to say something about the restaurant deal, but I had better not.
I hope nobody was underneath the balcony... or they probably got hit with some from BothBob'sNuts.
hope the wanking was good. was anyone else watching? he he.
sorry about no nookie.
I think it's funny you called it a "wank." I've not heard that one, to be quite honest. Flogging the dolphin, polishing one off, a date with Rosie, yes, but never a wank.
Sounds like you would have had a better time sans children. Or at least you would have gotten more action.
I'd like to give you a hand...
you deserve a hand.
(wish I'd have been there to give you one.)
the balcony..wow...
well my thoughts on hawaii ere more positive than yours..but i can still see your point...:-/
you realize that there are about a dozen people from that hotel who are back at home right now, showing their neighbors the vacation photos and videos they shot of some freaky bald guy yankin it on the balcony of their hotel. hell, i'm yankin it right now, just thinking about it.
Never been to Hawaii. Never really wanted to, for some reason. Now I might have to change my mind
So, an interesting time was had by all, particularly whoever was admiring the view from the balcony below yours...
Re your comment on my site (C).
1) If I had a large chocolate cream-filled willie I certainly would not tell this lady to shove it up her ass. No, I would suck it myself cos I like choc willies
Let her find her own one 
2) The choc willies in the blog were about 6-7", or would have been if they were standing up, but sadly the tropical heat had made them wilt. I tried to get a credit from the company. The conversations were very funny. Something of the nature of "but you can still eat the willies even if they are bent" and me saying, but I can't sell floppy willies, everyone wants theirs to stand up" and 'maybe you could warm the willies up and get them to stand up by hand". They gave me a credit in the end.
Well this week I have been judged boring by someone who comments on all our sites and someone called Mcfreaky whom I don't know at all made me his site of the week!!!!!!
My bf (Sean)who gets plenty of sex says there's nothing like getting up slowly in the morning, collapsing in front of the BBC news and taking one off the wrist!
Scandalous! I am aghast, disgusted, concerned, disturbed even! To think that BLN is suffering from a malaise so acute as this... Well, I for one wont stand for it.
You are mostest brilliantest, Mr. BLN. It is disappointing that your trip didn’t refresh. I just hope that whatever is contributing to your mood poisoning passes through your emotional digestive system in short order, and without too much existential flatulence or residual emotional cramping.
My best to you lefty.
I’m your number one Hûpô, and I mean that haule.
Oh, I almost forgot… How’s the aim anyway? I am imagining some wealthy Japanese person telling a story about that one time, in Waikiki, when that silent night bird with the perfect aim flew overhead…
That's a bummer about the japanese people...and the money...and the remaining tiredness...hell, you need another vacation to forget about this one! California has some nice spots
but that's a little far isn't it...well hopefully your wife doesn't crunch ice as much now 
, so you can at least relax at home.
I just spent the last seven hours of return flight thinking of "ways to refresh BLN"...and I still have a crooked little grin on my face.
Tired, but still grinning.
Sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy yourself in Waikiki, except only one night on the balcony... (
) Yeah, you need another vacation to charge you up.
Is it just me, or did it get orange in here?
I'm glad I got to help you get that whatever-it-was off your chest or wherever it was.
If you had gone to Hawaii in the winter, you could have met a lot of Alaskans, but not me, not ever me. I was in a plane that made a refueling stop there on the way back to the U.S. from Japan in '66. They opened the doors to bring aboard some fresh food, and the pollen in the air nearly put me in respiratory arrest. Deserts, mountaintops and tundra are my natural habitats.
boy is that disappointing.... i'm going on a cruise around the islands with my entire maternal family next summer, and though it'll be a cruise, it'll be in hawaii nevertheless. i hope i come back with more positive stories. good to have you back!!
How odd...I was in Hawaii recently and while walking past this hotel, I was hit by what I thought was bird droppings...
okay so I've never been to Hawaii...but I'm still laughing over Myki's comment...
Will stole my funny.........dammit.
One good wank is better than nothing good at all though (right? right?!?)
hey! a wank on the balcony is more than alot of us get!
well look at it this way... you traveled 1000's of miles... only to wank in or ON a hotel Balcony. Not too many people can say that ... lol
NOW I get it.
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