October 1, 2002
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What is in a name?
Specifically, how important is your surname to you?
The reason I ask is because Ive been thinking lately about the fact that I am the last male in my family, have two daughters and am unlikely to have any more children (Id love to but mrs bln has had enough she says). Because of this, my surname, or at least the branch that ends with me, will be no more.
To tell the truth, I feel a bit sad about that. Not because my family name is enormously rare or because I think its a name particularly worth saving but because it represents a line of ancestors going back, presumably, to Saxon times; a line which abruptly ends right here with me.
A sense of my family history is important to me. I dont mean the tracing back through time of bloodlines and family trees but the personal history; stories that my parents and grandparents have told me and letters that I have read, found carefully stored for posterity. Those long dead people are part of who I am, part of who my children are and their children will be. And my name is intrinsic to that; it is what binds us all together.
During my life I have met a few people with very unusual first names, I expect you have too. In my experience, they have tended to be pretty unusual people themselves, as though somehow the oddness of their name becomes just as much a part of them as their habits and appearance. For us less unusual folk too, our names are an important part of who we are and somehow we are our names.
A common sentiment in Japan is that piercing, even of the ears, is wrong because your body is a gift from your parents; a gift that shouldnt be damaged so selfishly. In the same way, I think, a name is the parents gift to the child and it is a gift that deserves careful choosing. Parents who give their children outlandish names are to some extent, I think, giving them a a carelessly chosen gift.
(As an aside, Ive never understood the custom, particularly popular in the States, it seems, of naming your child after yourself and your father and his father so that you end up with a John W. Codswallop III, for example. What, like King George III? What is that?)
Well, I do have a slim hope, I suppose. If we stay in Japan one of my daughters might marry a man who would accept her family name and become a youshi ; an adopted son. And thereby ensuring that this fine old Anglo Saxon surname of mine would continue for the time being at least....in Japan..........
Because women of course, at least in most societies, are obliged to give up their family name on getting married. Which is where the whole concept of the succession of surnames becomes rather complicated....
So how important is your surname to you? Is it even something you care about?
And for those of you who were wondering, my daughters names are Hannah Rhiannon and Maya Mireille and my surname is the Saxon word for a wood on top of a hill.....
That's a 'wood', not a 'woody', Wally....
Comments (33)
as the mother of young william something something III, i am highly offended. oh, wait. no i'm not. but i think you're assigning more power to a name than it actually carries - your daughters will no more or less appreciate your (their) family history becuase of what they're called, or becuase they are girls and therefore unlikely to pass on their names to their own kids. the tradition, the love, the family is what counts, and you can pass that on to them just as fully as you could to any bobsleftnut, jr.
I can't wait until Virgil gets hold of that 'wood on top of a hill' part...
I don't think much about my surname, but I have a son and haven't had a reason to consider it. My surname is Welsh, but I don't know offhand what it means. Probably something like "hole in the seat of a man's pants".
I think I would feel pretty bad about a line ending with me too.
My name isn't that important really. i know the history, but it is complicated by the fact that I really dislike the people on my father's side of the family so I don't care if I have their name or not.
I don't know. I am a bit depressed now.
rache: oh shoot. I thought it was only the grandiose families that did that kind of thing....
shortpants: I've just checked my Welsh dictionary and it says that "hole in the seat of a man's pants" translates as Wwwllggoggollcwmffllandriddnoddally, so you could be right.
Abby: Oh no! Don't be depressed. Not when you're visiting me anyway....
virgil (in anticipation): don't you dare.....
Haha....I can't wait for Virgil too. This is gonna be good. I don't like my last name, so as long as the man I marry has a somewhat normal one, I'm all for changing it. Plus, my nephew will carry on our last name. Oh the joys of a young mother with a deadbeat ex....there's no way in hell I'd let my nephew have his last name.
I don't care about that at all. (Of course, I understand and respect that you DO care.)
I am probably going to keep my soon-to-be ex-husband's name. I actually like it better than my maiden surname. For me, it's all about how cool it sounds.
Otherwise, I honestly couldn't care less.
And since neither my brother or I will most likely have children, I doubt there will be a John H**** III.
I really dislike my last name. People mispronounce it all the time, and spell it incorrectly. Oh well, my cousin will carry the name on...but he just had a daughter so it may end there.
Carrying on the family name is important here...my son is the 13th grandchild and the only boy to carry the family name. (Who said 13 was unlucky?) I'm happy for my in-laws, but a bit sad for my Dad as I'm an only child. I wonder if he ever had thoughts like yours? I should ask him! Spot
This last name passed down thing is a very Western male tradition.
All of my siblings and I possess the same MIDDLE name-- my mother's maiden name (it means "iron man" by the way). In some cultures one's name can be a paragraph long.
(Oh, and my xanga name translated means "one who self-medicates on a regular basis depending on supply, carefully hiding her addiction from all but her pals on xanga.")
I really like my last name. It has brought me a lot of attention, mainly because it's a rather different last night, very German, and very fun to pronounce. I've walked in on people standing around, just saying my last name. It's kind of funny, if you think about it, that my last name could bring so much amusement to others. I'm not too worried about my last name changing when I get married, though. I have two younger brothers, one who is having a baby, a son, and I have other male relatives, too, to carry on the name. I think that if I was the last in my "line" and I had no siblings or cousins or anything, I would seriously consider keeping my name. Hell, I've even considered combining my name with my husband's...not hyphenating. My friend and I decided that if we're not married by the time we're 35, we will marry each other and combine our names to be Schmuckenschwander. Our kids would have a hell of a time, but how great would that be?
I'll be the last with my name too, unless I have a kid out of wedlock and give him/her my surname.
Viking girls had different surnames than their brothers. Everyone knows names that end in -son, but there aren't many -dotters left. I think it's a fantastic system. My name could have been Jonsdotter!
my MIL is a "dottir" - or was, until she bowed to the american patriarchy and assumed her husband's anglo surname. bastards!
This subject is very close to a pet peve of mine. I have never understood why parents hand their children common first names. In a classroom of twenty, there will be two Bill's, two David's and three Paul's. If a function of a name is to identify the individual, why bother to give you kid a common name? If you're asking me, better to make up some bizzare name.
I named my son Jethro and you would not believe the grief I received for doing so. You would think I named my kid "TwoDogsFucking" (an Indian name). Jethro is as biblical as any other, it's just thought in pop culture as meaning stupid. Anyway, fuck'em. I named my kid Jethro.
Just a thought here as I read - if I was to remarry - I think I would like to hyphenate my married surnames. I have a life and a 'married' family with step-children - by dropping that surname I think it would feel disrespectful to them and a loss of identity, and possibly even a slur on their late father. Wonder what a new husband could think of that thought?
Many of my friends have chosen to be called Mrs (their maiden name) and the children are hyphenated combinations of both names.
Hello Bob's Left Nut!!!!!! How's it hangin? How's your bro Right Nut? LoL! Sorry couldn't help myself! hehehehehe Cool Site though
Very interesting blog. I like my family name (Page) and wouldn't ever change it. In my Province in Canada, British Columbia it is allowable to be a Youshi after Marriage. To take your wife's last name is perfectly acceptable here. I know many Provinces and states do no9t allow this which I think is wrong. Darn I need a new keyboard. My errors are the keyboards fault.
I'm James Jackson the 4th...SO ALL OF YOU WITH PROBLEMS WITH COMMON NAMES AND REPEATED NAMES HUSH!
just kidding
Seriously I am the 4th in a line of James Jacksons though. We all have different middle names and that is often how we are refered to inside the family (especially me) but before my cousin was born I was seriously worried the same as you are about carrying on my family name.
Now though I have another worry. My step dad has raised me since I was 3 yrs old, and he doesn't have a son, nor anyone to carry on any part of his name. He doesn't really care about his surname, but he's recently started worrying about carrying on his spirit somehow...and he thinks the best way would be to carry on part of his name. In that regards I've prommised to name one of my sons (if I have a second one) after him.
Odd...our names identify us, but no matter how much they are common, they still make us immortal when carried on.
My husbands name dies with him too so I'm sure he can relate. Neither of us want anymore children and we had two daughters.. so ya hes a bit sad about that.
I just hope one of our daughters decides to keep our last name.
saxon. that is actually a nice name and i was pleasantly surprised. see all the way down the blog i was thinking your last name as was Sleftnut? and i had one fleeting thought of marrying one of your daughters and become a youshi. VirgilsLeftNut has a nice ring to it, no? dad?
I know! You just need to find one of them a suitor with the same last name as you!
Virgil, my dear dear boy.....why only a fleeting thought? My girls are waiting for you....
...and Virgil Butt would have a ring to it. Dunno if it'd be nice though...
And Jackie, now that's a good idea!
bob, it takes one sick dude to offer his daughter(s?) to the likes of verboodles. i am so. scared.
You people... I swear!
Okay, what was the topic again? oh yeah.
Saxon for top of the hill... hmm. Don't you mean Virgil Butte?
butt...butt...i llllike bbboobs bbbbetter!
Wow... I thought I was the only one who stressed over this issue. My husband was adopted. His parents have even divorced (see spelled it right this time Femme!) and his mom is using her maiden name. No one talks to his step father any more that I know of. Since his death I hardly even talk to any of his family much, myself. I want to change back to my maiden name but like Bob it is a family name that dies with my sister and I (two girls in the family only) on our end. I want to change my kids names as well, to my maiden name so my son can carry the name on. But they are little (10 & 12) and I'm not sure what kind of change like that will have on them or two them or whatever. I have been debating this one in my own head now for almost two years. Hmmmm... I think it's time to stop "sitting here," stop 'procrastinating' and just get Nike on it... (Do it!) I'll talk to the kids again and see what they think. Thanks Bob for talking about this.
Oh and my husband's mom said she'd disown the kids if I changed their name. I got two things to say to her... tuff noogies and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Saxon word for a wood on top of a hill...??? Copse? Beats the hell outta me, LOL.
I do know what you mean.. I've thought about this. If my brother doesn't have any sons then although our name won't die with him, it's gonna get a little rarer. Ironic. When I was a child the fact that my surname is constantly misspelled and twisted around bugged me to the point that I viewed marriage as a pretty darn good way of getting rid of it. Now I'm kind of nostalgic about it. I always was too sentimental though
Thanks for the visit to my site. Come back anytime! Don't believe Abby about the ice cream, though.
I love this post! One of my cousins (also female) and I are the last ones living to have borne our family name, and that makes me sad. This summer, I have had the pleasure of making contact with someone who is tracing descendants of my grandmother's father and his brother (so of course, this name is dead in our line also) and that has been great fun. Names are pretty important - so is what we do to them.
When I moved in on my land across the highway from where I'm housesitting now, I named the little tree-covered hill that was left when most of the topsoil was scraped off to get at the gravel underneath, "Elvenhurst".
My surname means "dark water". After each of my first three divorces, I had my maiden name restored. It wasn't because my father's surname was better than that of my husbands' forefathers, but because it was "my" name. All subsequent husbands kept their names when I married them, and I kept mine. My current husband's legal surname (as opposed to the name by which he chooses to be known) is a slang term for a sex act some consider to be deviant. I'll stick with "dark water".
I wouldn' t care much about my family name if it was just too common like Sato, Tanaka, Takahashi or Suzuki...oh, I would care if it was Suzuki since it's the same name as Ichiro. Anyway, my last name is pretty rare, so I would prefer to carry on it. My father really wants to keep our family name and his only hope should be me. My sister has already married and I have no brothers. We have some relatives, so our last name should remain somewhere, still my father will miss it if the name is ended from his own family and I will miss it, too if I end up getting married to some man with very usual name.
Well in the Arabic world, they simply keep the father's name, and his father's etc. For example, I have a friend called Emad {} Sheikh-Abdullah, where {} represents two pages worth of ancestors names. It's a great way of preserving and tracing a family history.
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