January 4, 2003

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  For me every New Year, at least recently, has been marked by a sense of certainty.
  
  

  Certainty that for two days, as December squeezes out its last drops, I will be cleaning the school and then, while the new year insinuates itself upon us, Ill be spending a few days with the in-laws.
  
  

  Neither of these prospects fills me with an overpowering sense of excitement but both are expected of me, which is just another way of saying tough shit. Theres a common Japanese expression for this, shiyo- ga nai, which literally means theres nothing to be done about it. If for instance youre at a really great party somewhere and youre having a ball and the kids are having a ball and your wife gives you a look that tells you that she thinks its time to go home now, so you give her a look which says that you dont feel quite ready to stop having fun just yet and then she gives you another look which reminds you that its 10 km home and youre drunk and shes got the car keys, thats shiyo- ga nai...
  
  

  The End of Year Cleaning or o-souji is the Japanese equivalent of spring cleaning and the reason it takes me two days is because Im not what youd even charitably call the most organised person in the world; Im highly attuned to my inner Pooh, me. Over the course of the year I somehow manage to build up a layer of stuff; mostly copies of handouts and other sundry bits of teaching materials, but also a healthy dollop of letters, cards, cds, brochures from language schools, childens toys and disposable chopsticks.
  
  

  Having assigned a more meaningful residence for 90% of the stuff, I file the rest away correctly and then get to grips with a duster, a vacuum cleaner and an apron. I dont know about you, but for me theres something about putting on an apron that is somehow thrilling. Especially those frilly ones with sleeves. Its not a thrill I overindulge in, mind you...
  
  

  mrs bln does make what I know is really only a half hearted offer to help, but I always refuse, preferring to do it alone. If she did come, wed almost certainly get it done in a fraction of the time but that fraction would be filled with Where do you want me to put this? or, the even more terrifying to think about, Whats this?, for which most of the time I am sure I would have no satisfactory explanation....
  
  

  Once everything is put away, dusted, wiped and vacuumed, I put up some new posters in the classrooms and set myself a To Do list for the first day back at work. This year my list is quite simple and reads as follows:
  
  * Laminate new colour flashcards
  * Find on internet or make: weather flashcards
  * Correct Satoes English diary
  * Get 50 new students
  
  

  Actually that last one is just to make me smile wryly when I look at it next Monday morning but does also serve to remind me that more students = more money = less vociferous mrs bln = more content bln. Its all about having goals in life....
  
  

  And then its back home to pick up the missus and the little nuts and then....
  
  
  
  

  Now the thing about my in-laws is that while theyre essentially very nice people, their ways are not mine. But doh! I hear you cry, you live in a foreign culture, of course their ways are different! But Im not talking about that. Ive lived in this town in Japan longer than Ive lived anywhere in my life; its not the cultural differences that get me, its the interpersonal ones. I personally find it uncomfortable being amongst constant pernicious criticism and bickering but its normal for them (and of course for mrs bln too...) and so therefore shiyo- ga nai...
  
  

  All the family come home for New Years so theres o-jiisan, mrs blns grandfather, her parents, the elder of her two younger brothers and his wife and two kids, her youngest brother and the four of us; twelve of us and four generations....
  
  

  o-jiisans pretty cool. He doesnt say much anyway. Sometimes he gets these coughing fits at mealtimes and starts making awful choking noises and you think hes going to die but everyone else just looks at him in disgust and tell him not to make such horrible noises at the table. Now I dont know about you, but I dont think Id ever talk to the eldest person in my family that way...
  
  

  And then theres my elder brother in-law. Hes the eldest son and so has to take over the family business one day. Hes hopelessly unsuited to the task and everyone knows it but he has to bear this burden because, yes, its shiyo- ga nai... My father in-law constantly tells him how useless he is, so you can imagine what a well rounded and confident chap he is... I do like him though because despite all that hes usually a pretty cheerful guy and I feel very sorry for the heavy load fate has handed him.
  
  

  My younger brother in-law is much more suited to the task but because hes not the cho-nan, the elder son, he doesnt get a look in. Except that I think he might; hes done a degree in economics and accounting and is now working for a large company, ostensibly for about five years before coming back to help out with the family business... There are going to be some fun and games in about 15 years when my father in-law retires...
  
  

  Mealtimes are my least favourite time there. The number one reason for this is that they are one of those families which has the tv on all the time. The first person up in the morning (never me, I assure you...) turns it on and the last person to bed at night (always me) turns it off. Even if nobodys in the kitchen itll be left on... But the thing about the tv at mealtimes is not the fact that its on, its the fact that its right behind what is my chair while were there... And so while I inevitably sit there in silence, they spend their mealtimes complaining about the food (not the cooking, you understand, but the quality of the meat or fish or whatever...), bickering with each other or staring at a point just behind my ear. Soon after we got married and I had begun going there, I suggested one mealtime that it might be fun to turn off the tv and all chat about something, so we tried that and it was embarrassing for everyone concerned so I never made that mistake again.
  
  

  Another reason that mealtimes are difficult for me is that my in-laws are pretty traditional when it comes to the allocation of housework. The women do everything. Not a man in the place does more than take his bowls over to the sink to be washed up later. By one of the women...
  
  

  Of course I wasnt brought up in such an environment but have learned, with time, not to rock the boat. My insisting on helping embarrasses my mother in-law and causes confusion, not to mention the fact that it makes the men think Im a wuss and we cant have that. I do draw a line though so when my 23 year old younger brother in-law handed his empty rice bowl to his 35 year old sister (mrs bln to you) and with the single word rice told her to go and get him some more, I gave him my best you might want to rethink that decision look and he wisely got off his arse and filled it himself. Just doing my small bit for International Relations....
  
  

  And now were all back at home and here we are with a new year stretching out ahead of us and like so many of you it seems, from what Ive been reading, Im hoping that this year is going to prove to be an improvement on last year...
  
  

  One Good Thing about 02, was finding you lot and I cherish the xanga vibe. This is a great community with some outstanding people and backboned by some truly committed folk. I appreciate and thank all of you for all the fun, ideas, pauses for thought and general all round good times youve given me and I look forward to sharing lots more with you this year...
  
  

  • 10:43 am
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