Month: November 2002

  • There are two main reasons why I could never be a doctor.

    First of all I’m not very bright and my science scores particularly were unlikely to ever convince a medical school to grant me entrance.

    But equally important to me is the fact that I wouldn’t want to have to do stuff on animals for research.

    As much as I abhor it emotionally, pragmatically I have to accept the use of animals in necessary medical research until we’re able to come up with a better alternative. However personally, I just couldn’t do it. And I’ve often wondered how others can, so last week I asked a class of surgeons that I teach what their thoughts on the matter were. Their answer surprised me...

    Actually, before I go into that, you ought to know a little about the Japanese approach to religion. In Japan there are two main forms of religion, Buddhism and Shinto. You all probably know a bit about Buddhism but possibly not about Shinto. As far as my knowledge extends on the subject, Shinto is an animist religion in the sense that it doesn’t have a particular god but recognises the presence of a divine force in all living things. Something like that but to be honest, if you ask most Japanese people to explain the
    difference between the two they’ll hum and haw and tell you that Buddhism is used for funerals and memorial ceremonies and the like and Shinto is used for weddings and o-miyamairi, the Japanese equivalent of a christening.

    As a rule of thumb, in Japan temples are Buddhist and shrines are Shinto. But apart from visiting them for their aesthetic values, few people here go to temples or shrines with a religious purpose, in the way that believers in other religions might celebrate their faith elsewhere. The thing is, to most Japanese people, religion isn’t a part of everyday life and this group of surgeons aren’t devout Buddhists or anything; I just wanted to clear that up first.

    Well, when I asked them about it, they told me that as doctors they have to use animals, particularly rats and mice, for research from time to time. They don’t like having to do it but it’s a necessary part of their work. However, while not particularly religious, they do feel a sense of spiritual guilt and to atone for this, twice a year they go to a special animal shrine and pray for the souls of the animals who have died during the course of their research...

    Now I don’t know about you, but knowing that they do that makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing....


    ..and here's something else to consider...



  • This is a scene that I’m going to carry with me for a long time to come.

    Picture this; a group of 18 guys out on a stag night, already well stoked on beer and tequila and walking past a Filipino doorman who nimbly slips among us and offers us

    girls

    and this group of 18 guys are smoothly and effortlessly ushered within to find

    lots of girls

    some of them are topless

    all of them are pretty

    and I’m having an out of body experience as I sit and watch this all going on around me and I am struck by two thoughts


    why are all the other guys making whooping noises?

    and what the fuck am I doing here?

    I wanted to feel all red blooded and stuff like that but all I could think of was that these girls are getting paid to sit there and talk to us and serve us drinks and stroke our arms and egos and let us stroke them back a little but gently slap our hands away with a practised smile if we get too frisky...they are getting paid to sit there and do all that because in the Philippines or Thailand or Rumania or Hungary or wherever, their prospects were as crap as the drunken jokes they’re now paid to laugh at every night and while they hate having to prostitute their pride, reality always bites and now they’re working nights in a strip joint in Nagoya, Japan.....

    So I sat there and made the smallest of small talk with an incredibly beautiful young lady from Thailand until she realised what a non whooper I was and moved off in search of meatier pickings

    So then I just sat there really

    And reflected on the fact that if the commercialism had been removed from the equation, if there had just been a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls all out to have a good time with each other, I’d have been in there in the thick of it. Or if I hadn’t felt like these were girls from very poor backgrounds who had no choice but to do this...But in this time limited, paid for in advance, glitter balled (and to be frank since no one was really getting anything - blue balled) plastic world I seemed to lose a chromosome...

    I looked over at, um, let’s call him, Frank, and saw the huge smile plastered over his mug as Frank’s frankly tiny paramour draped herself around him and I looked over at, oh, Oswald, happily slipping a thousand yen note into the waistband of the topless temptress gyrating herself in front of him... I looked around these guys and I realised what it was that made them go mad for it and not me...




    They’d drunk more than me, the bastards....

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